The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
