please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
