You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
