well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
