Non-Jews are for practice
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
