stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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