Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
