I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
