i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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