I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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