so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
