did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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