i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
