Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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