I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
