So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
