The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
