party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
