I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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