I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
time to smoke my breakfast
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
