i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
