I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
