He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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