guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
