we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize
