I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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