Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
