Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
two words...techno handjob
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
