haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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