thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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