things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
