Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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