you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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