dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
