i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
