i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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