Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
