you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
