Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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