she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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