She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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