I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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