sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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