She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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