.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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