I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
