We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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