I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
