Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
