We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
