he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
