kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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