got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
