Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
