We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dick very happy bro
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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