i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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