I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
And then he peed in my hair
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