I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
