This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
