Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
