Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
