If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
