come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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