Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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