I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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