Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
