tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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