I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I cannot find my penis.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
