i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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