ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
