I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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