My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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